Deep darkness and disappointment. Will I ever see the light?
I’ve been limping for weeks now and I can’t ignore it anymore. Just waiting for the pain to go away by itself doesn’t work. I need to go forward with one of the things that I loathe the most: medical investigations. You call it: ultrasound, MRI, X-Ray…I did them all and all physicians had different ideas about the cause of the pain, depending on their specialization. They prescribed pills and PT and gave me steroid injections. Would it be wiser to give up in order to protect myself? What if there is nothing serious and I just give up like a coward? What if I can just fight the pain and I won’t cause any damage to my body if I still do it? Who can tell me where is the fine line between all these alternatives?
Not being able to train is eating me from inside…I dream of the times when I was sweating in the gym. Now I just do arms and core strengths and I meditate…and then I meditate some more…but it still feels like the beautiful castle I’ve been carefully building during the past months is falling apart.
Maybe the ultimate test to find out if you are worthy of your dream is to see if you have the mental strengths to detach and let it go when the circumstances ask for it. I called my guide today my injury prevents me from going forward with the trip and I am canceling everything. My heart was breaking down into pieces. He replied that I should do everything to keep myself healthy and safe. He also gave me a week to think about it more.